Am I online?
OK, I am.
And I probably shouldn’t start with that, but… fuck. I don’t care.
Do you want me to do this? Hey, you said, “Just publish whatever you see. Whatever happens. Whatever you are thinking about. We need your views on everything as an ‘outsider.’ Just tell the truth.”
Well, I’ll tell you the truth, Dr. Pickman. “Fuck. You.”
But, OK, OK. I’m here. What more do you want?
I joined the Social Media program here at Boston University Arkham because I thought that, if I had guidance, I could be the next YouTube or TikTok influencer.
But nooooo. You need to get how it works. I don’t need this crap. I just need someone to help boost my eyeballs. I need pageviews. But I need some kind of formal structure. Or format.
Have you seen Dr. Disrespect? Or McBeast? They go viral for whatever they do! I want a push to get to that level!
Dr. ‘Pickme!’ doesn’t get it. I’m fucking good enough that I can be that big too! But I need to know how to game the “algorithm” to let me hit their levels.
And you fucking know how to do it, don’t you? But you won’t just tell me! You want me to attend your classes and take your exams where I repeat what you told me a day or two before.
And you have no fucking idea how things work anymore. This is 2021, not 1980.
But fine. You threatened to fail me out and said that you would pass me if I went on this fucking trip with a bunch of old-fart scientists and just reported on this stupid ‘blog’ that happened that day. And I need to stay in college, or my parents won’t keep paying for me to be here.
So yeah. Patrick wasn’t happy when I told him I was going off for a few months. But… sorry, Patrick. You weren’t that impressive. OK, you could keep it up all night, but… seriously? Maybe… 90 seconds? If it wasn’t for the fact that you were good for four or five rounds so that I could finally get off, I wouldn’t have bothered.
And apparently, I’m going out into the middle of nowhere where there are obviously a bunch of old professors and even more bored and horny grad students. Sign. Me. Up.
But seriously. Egypt? What in the Hell is there to research in Egypt? Pyramids and mummies? Hasn’t that been done to death over the past few centuries?
But fine. You said you would pass me if I posted these every day. You didn’t say what I had to post. And I have that in writing!
So, Dr. Pickme? You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into.